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The simmering feud between helmet-haired real-estate mogul Donald Trump and comedic talk-show provocateur Rosie O’Donnell hit the boiling point again last week as the two megalomaniacal New Yorkers clashed during lunch in the Pool Room at Manhattan’s Four Seasons restaurant. Surprisingly, this latest tête-à-tête was sparked not by some trivial issue such as Trump’s disciplining of Miss America, but rather by a disagreement over wine.

The confrontation began not long after O’Donnell and Trump somehow found themselves seated within earshot of each other at the posh eatery. Both ordered the salade Niçoise; however, while Trump ordered a glass of Finger Lakes Riesling to accompany the dish, O’Donnell opted for a Provence rosé.

 “Trump started it,” said one witness, busboy Harry Hasslenot. “He was looking for a scrap, and I don’t mean the edible kind. He looked over at Rosie’s glass of pink wine and started talking loud enough for the whole place to hear.

“He said, ‘I like my wine like my women: delicate, perfumed, with a dash of tongue-tingling acidity and a long, lusty finish. Clearly not everyone can handle real wine. For people like that, there’s always rosé, which is essentially a red wine whose skins were removed early on during fermentation, resulting in what most connoisseurs consider a half-wine…perfect for half-wits.’

“Then Rosie stood up with her glass and said, ‘It’s a free world, Trump. Just drink what you want and shut your magnum-sized trap. In fact, you probably don’t know your ass from an auslese when it comes to wine, let alone Riesling. Dry rosés are naturally crisp, refreshing and versatile with food, especially Mediterranean cuisine like this salad.’

“Now, it started getting ugly. He’s yelling Riesling, she’s yelling rosé. Riesling! Rosé! Riesling! Rosé! Riesling! Rosé! Back and forth like that, veins popping, spittle flying. And then Trump goes ‘Cork sucker!’ And she freezes. Pauses. Takes one look at him and says, ‘Speak for yourself, buster.’

“And the restaurant goes nuts!I was afraid one of them was going to wind up in the pool,” Hasslenot said. “But [Maître d’] Julian Niccolini heard the commotion and rushed out with flutes of Veuve Clicquot for the guests at each table. Everybody in the place cheered and then Trump and Rosie went back to eating their salads in peace. Man, that guy sure knows how to handle a situation. He should run for Mayor.”

 

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